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July 22, 2009

Freakin' Geek Test!

The Geek Test

 

Answering yes to any of the following questions gives you the listed points for that question.

 

When asked “do you like…” this means you’ve studied it, read all or nearly all pertinent literature on the subject, watched most or all seasons, have memorized lines form the subject in question, etc. For example, maybe you think astronomy is cool but don’t keep up on the current findings, don’t at least occasionally look at the Astronomy Picture of the Day, and on clear nights when you find yourself out side you don’t look up and think “ahh”, this would indicate you cannot honestly answer “yes” to the question Do you like astronomy? Or, maybe you think you like Star Trek because you’ve seen the latest movie, but if you haven’t sat through the journey to find Vger and felt Kirk’s anger as he yelled “Khan!” and laughed as Scotty said “hello computer” then go home, you don’t like Star Trek.

 

As a geek, the key in knowing whether you can answer “yes” to “do you like” is if you know most people who would answer yes do so only because something about it is current in the public eye and that they are gargantuanly ignorant of the vast wealth of material that came before it…but not you, you know the back story, the front story, the directors notes, and whether it was cloudy with a 3.04% +/- .02 chance of rain on the day it was released.

 

1. Academics [15 pts]

Do you like astronomy? – 1 point

Do you like British literature from the 19 or early 20th centuries? – 1 point

Do you like Carl Sagan? – 1 point

Do you like History? – 1 point

Do you like math? – 1 point

Do you like physics? – 1 point

Do you like theatre? – 1 point

Do you like Weird Al Yankovic’s music? – 2 point

Do you like Dr. Steven Hawking – 2 point

Do you like M.C. Hawking – 2 point

Do you use terminology from any of the above to express common every-day events? – 2 point

Your Academics total:

 

2. Books [55/110 pts]

(double points for owning a copy of the book or series of books)

Do you like any of Piers Anthony’s works? – 5 points

Do you like any of Isaac Asimov’s works? – 5 points

Do you like any of Arthur C. Clark’s works? – 5 points

Do you like any of Robert A. Heinlein works? – 5 points

Do you like any of Robert Howard’s works? – 5 points

Do you like any of H.P. Lovecraft’s works? – 5 points

Do you like Dune? – 5 points

Do you like The Hobbit? – 2 point

Do you like the Harry Potter series? – 3 point

Do you like Lord of the Rings? – 5 point

Do you like Silmarillion? – 5 points

Do you like the Wheel of Time series? – 5 points

Your books total:

 

3. Cartoons [15/30 pts]

(double points for owning a copy of the some or all of the series)

Do you like Evangelion? – 2 point

Do you like Cowboy Bebop? – 2 point

Do you like G.I. Joe? – 1 point

Do you like Invader Zim? – 2 point

Do you like Ninja Scrolls? – 1 point

Do you like Record of Lodoss War? – 1 point

Do you like Robotech? – 2 point

Do you like Star Wars: Clone Wars? – 2 point

Do you like Transformers? – 1 point

Do you like Voltron? – 1 point

Your Cartoons total:

 

4. Comics [50 pts]

Did you ever collect comics? – 5 point

Do you still have a comic collection? – 5 point

Do you still collect comics? – 10 point

Do you use bag and boards? – 10 points

Do you use gloves when handling comics? – 20 point

Your Comics total:

 

5. Computers [50 pts]

Can you write code? – 5 point

Do you currently write code? – 5 point

Have you set up a website? – 5 point

Have you set up a website related to any of the other topics on this test? – 5 point

Do you currently have a website related to any of the other topics on this test? – 10 point

Have you ever replaced or added hardware to a computer? – 5 point

Have you ever built a computer? – 15 point

Your Computers total:

 

6. Fringe [50 pts]

Have you been to the Ren-faire? – 1 point

Have you dressed for the Ren-faire? – 2 points

Have you worked at the Ren-faire? – 3 points

Have you ever researched Bigfoot? – 1 point

Have you ever researched Loch Ness? – 1 point

Have you ever researched Out of Body Experiences? – 1 point

Have you ever researched Skin-walkers? – 1 point

Have you ever researched UFOs? – 1 point

Have you written, coded, or drawn fan-work for any of the other topics on this test? – 5 points

Would you consider yourself a trekkie? – 5 points
Do you speak Klingon? – 5 points

Do you speak Quenya/Sindarin? – 10 points

Would you consider yourself one of the furries? – 10 points

Do you like Second Life? – 2 points

Are you a furry in Second Life? – 2 points

Your Fringe Total:

 

7. Movies [50/77 pts]

(double points for owning a copy of the movie or complete catalogue, i.e. all Batman movies)

Do you like the Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension? – 5 points

Do you like Akira? – 3 point

Do you like Batman? – 1 point

Do you like Big Trouble in Little China? – 2 point

Do you like Blade Runner? – 2 point

Do you like Brazil? – 1 point

Do you like Conan the Barbarian? – 1 point

Do you like Ice Pirates? – 1 point

Do you like Highlander? – 1 point

Do you like Lord of the Rings? – 1 point

Do you like Monty Python & The Search for the Holy Grail? – 3 point

Do you like Red Sonya? – 1 point

Do you like Star Trek? – 2 point

Do you like Star Wars? – 2 point

Do you like Superman? – 1 point

Do you like 1980’s horror & sci-fi movies in general? – 2 point

Do you like 1970’s horror & sci-fi movies in general? – 2 point

Do you like 1960’s horror & sci-fi movies in general? – 2 point

Do you like 1950’s horror & sci-fi moives in general? – 2 point

Do you like any movie that has been “reviewed” by MST3K? – 5 points

Do you agree with the following statement; “Han shot first.” – 10 points

Your movies total:

 

8. Role-Playing Games & CCGs [100 pts]

Have you played a role-playing game? – 5 point

Have you ever owned role-playing books? – 5 point

Do you currently own role-playing books? – 10 point

Have you ever painted your own miniature(s)? – 10 point

Are you currently playing a role-playing game? – 20 point

Have you ever played Magic the Gathering? – 5 point

Do you still play Magic the Gathering? – 10 point

Have you ever played any other CCG (Pokemon, Yu-gi-oh, etc)? – 5 point

Have you LARPed? – 5 point

Do you currently LARP? – 10 point

Are you a member of the SCA? – 15 point

 

9. Television [25/50]

(double points for owning a copy of some or all of the series)

Do you like Babalon 5? – 3 point

Do you like Battlestar Galactica? – 2 point

Do you like Dr. Who? – 2 point

Do you like The Hulk? – 2 point

Do you like Knight Rider? – 2 point

Do you like MST3K? – 2 point

Do you like The Prisoner? – 2 point

Do you like She Spies? – 2 point

Do you like Star Trek? – 3 point

Do you like X-files? – 2 point

Do you like any of Monty Python’s Flying Circus? – 3 point

Your Television total:

 

10. Toys [40 pts]

Do you have a toy related to any of the other topics on this test? – 5 point

Are any of them still in the box? – 15 point

Are all of them in the box? – 20 point

Your Toys total:

 

11. Video Games [50 pts]

Have you ever owned a consol system? – 5 point

Do you currently own a consol system? – 10 point

Have you ever played a PC video game? – 5 point

Are you currently playing a PC video game or games? – 10 point

Is one of them a MMORPG? – 20 point

Your Video Games total:

 

Your total:

Your total x 2 = grand total:

Your grand total divide by 10 = your Geek Percentage.

 

My score...I’m only 63% Geek

October 09, 2008

CP-N

Working on a personal philosophy, I’ve now outlined it. I know, I know, most of you are thinking, “great, here come a bunch of long winded sentences that never end because they’re all long winded en’ shit.” But really. I’ll keep it as short as possible.

 

Comedic Pseudo-Nihilism (in ten easy steps)

 

1. Nihilism’s view is that existence is void of intrinsic value, meaning or purpose.

 

2. However, “the pathos of 'in vain' is the nihilists' pathos — at the same time, as pathos, an inconsistency on the part of the nihilists.” Nietzsche, The Will to Power, sec. 585.

 

3. So claiming that the world is without meaning is a meaningful statement with a purpose to describe this world as without purpose. Nihilists are right about everything except themselves.

 

4. This is funny.

 

6. Anything that is funny, or comedic, is that which forces a smile or laughter from an observer/listener (or any other sense used, some smells are funny, feathers in the armpit, etc.).

 

7. Nihilism can be applied to everything except itself, and in applying itself to itself a comedic experience emerges that negates itself, and so therefore the only thing worth anything is comedy.

 

8. If the only endeavor of value is that of comedy, then comedy at the expense of others is of the least amount of value.

 

9. The more people that find an event comedic imparts more value to existence than does an event that less people find funny.

 

10. Therefore, the best comedy is that which makes everyone laugh, which creates meaning in everyone’s lives.

 

Make people laugh, nothing else matters, life is a joke, all is in vane, struggling against the infinite nothing with finite strength, finite time, finite self, no chance to win, success a myth, and layered within the epic existential depression of it all…belly button lint, nose hair, laughing so hard a half eaten French fry is regurgitated and projected into your soda only to float, bobbing up and down in front of the waitress, like a mocking parody of your own inability to control your body.

 

 

 

December 06, 2007

Apples, rotten kids get offofmylawn!

This isn’t to be an all out hate-rant against Apple. I’m ambivalent on the whole Mac vs. PC vs. Linux debate. But then again, I’m not playing around in the code all day, but even if I was I don’t think I’d embrace the inner three year old high-pitched screech tactic of “mine is better!” crowd if I did.

 

No, this is a general business complaint, one that is not just shot at Apple, they just happen to be the first store of the season in which I encountered the issue.

 

The issue? So I went to buy my wife a bluetooth ear piece to replace the one that Cthulhu deemed unworthy for this world. Before I even got in line a nice woman offered to help by getting the hand-held credit card reader, I handed her my credit card and driver’s license. She swiped the one card while glancing at the other. I was getting almost giddy at how fast the process was moving. She looked back at the ID. I smiled. Then she asked me, “what’s your email?” I felt like I was in one of those idiotic Visa commercials where the perfectly moving dance of commerce is halted by someone paying with (dear gods, no!) cash. First response was, “fuck you.” But, of course, I’m to slow to just blurt things out like that and so the second response got through, “why?” She smiles and says, “so we can send you the receipt.” Well, like I pointed out, I’m a bit slow, but not too slow, so instead of saying “no,” I said “okay,” and gave her an old email address that I never check and is filled with spam. She types in the email and then asks me, “zip code?” I’m used to this question from Best Buy, but fuck if it doesn’t piss me off every time. So I give it to her. Then she asks me, “do you want just the email copy of your receipt or do you want a hard copy as well.” I squint at her, realizing now that they didn’t need my email at all for the receipt (like I said, I’m a bit slow).

 

So, with hard copy receipt in hand, I walk out of the Apple store pissed off to no end, feeling taken advantage of, and I realize that I’m the old man who takes things to seriously now, who gets upset by having my privacy intruded upon by corporate entities. Who, ironically and even hypocritically, lives part of his life on Myspace, this blog, website, Secondlife, and World of Warcraft (what with it’s data-mining program Warden and all).

 

In the end though, the difference is, if I just want to buy a product in a store, I should be able to drop the card, cash or check, no questions asked. As a consumer, it is my right to demand appropriate service from the people that I am purchasing products from. And though I understand that it is interesting to see that the people from West County generally spend X compared to the people from the east part of the county who spend Y so that you can better your service in general…really, I reserve the right to not give you my money if you ask for more information that I deem necessary.

 

So now I just have to figure out something from the Apple store that I would want and then go in to see if they’ll sell it to me without my information. Though, of course, it would be respectful if I tested this when there isn’t a holiday line standing behind me waiting on the old man to finish his rant against modern society.

 

March 05, 2007

Podium Ramblings

I’m bitter and grumpy. It’s a sign, not like a road sign, but more like a prophet’s sandwich board sign saying “It’s all crap!” as he gives you a gaping mouth mad stare. The bastard. I know. There’s a lot out there, people with mouths, who will say that it’s all about what you surround yourself with. But that’s crap. It’s all crap oozing from the walls of civilization. Civilization’s only purpose to help make us forget about the crap. Irony is civilization’s just the same crap, different package.

 

The written word is dead, despite what you read online. I’m quitting one job only to get another, which seems idiotic in many ways. IF you quit a job, it obviously means that you don’t like jobs, so why get another one? Despite my bitterness and general, overall, grumpiness, I’m grateful for the old job and the new job.

 

Britney should have totally buried some of her hair with Anna.

 

In regards to the culture in which I live, the fact that I can write that sentence and understand how it is applicable, disgusts me in such a way that all I taste is the bitter fluid rising from my stomach.

 

One path towards bitterness is with the realization that your childhood will be repackaged and sold to everyone else, your feelings of uniqueness will be revealed as just that: feelings, and the only meaning in the universe is what you impart to it.

 

Get me a shovel, the crap is thick and I’d like to stretch out.

 

A better road to bitterness is through good coffee. Maybe an Italian wine.

 

I don’t remember the drive in to work this morning. The beginning I remember, dropping Jasmine off I remember, but then it fades into this haze, a quiet ride through a clear morning, nothing particularly noticeable or exciting, a day lost due to the lack of tragedy.

 

Remember, burning your hang-nails off is far more efficient than biting them off, but you don’t get the free meal.

 

Remember, gravity, like evolution, only works if you believe in.

 

This is about the point where I’d start digressing into discussions about penises and vaginas, dicks and cunts:

 

There are a lot of politicians out there. I like the core of the system. But there are people involved. People tend to produce a lot of crap over their lives. A Politician’s no different, save, like celebrities, they get a lot of other people talking about how great (or bad) their crap is.

 

“Fuck your rambling! Give me coherence!” the other one said. The first just looked at him and grinned. The other one looked at him, then looked at his soup, “What did you do? What did you put in my soup?!” The first one glanced over at some bottles on the shelf, his gaze lingering on the bottle with the words “EXtra FIber” written in big, dark gold, letters.

 

The following is an actual speech an imaginary senator gave in my head one day.

 

“The time for action is now! With this new power structure, we have no choice but to take action in common cause against the terrors which are set against us! But there is only a limited amount of beauty left in the world, beauty that is inherent and owned by no one. So long as we can secure this resource from being exploited by outside influences, we will have victory over all obstacles. And so, it is my great pleasure to announce that we will…”

 

Poor senator, the podium ate him. It was hungry. Mad podiums are a danger to our native, free ranging, politicians and we must put a stop to them. Either that or begin to accept genetically altered, cage-fed, politicians into the food chain. Your choice. At least podiums just crap wood.