July 17, 2009

Answer the damn question...

This is not standard content for this blog, and as such I've put it on its own separate page (still on the website).

It contains adult content, sexual topic (no images, just text), and you should not click on the below link if you do not find discussions of sex and sexuality to your liking and/or if you are under the age of 18 (or 21 where that is the legal age to do so...though I don't think any of it actually falls under the explicit nature of pornography, it's just a short [ha!] discussion on sex).


Click here to continue.


 "Note, I am aware of the strange characters at the bottom of the document, I've switched to using Aptana as html editor and, well, this seems to me the norm rather than the exception"

 Update: Page is fixed.

November 30, 2008

Manifesto for a cult

After all these years, decades even, I still want to write a manifesto, I still want to be a cult leader. Of course violence, destructive natures, usually go hand in hand with manifesto writing cult leaders. That’s not my aim, not my goal. But I would guess, even the best madmen start out with good intentions. Or, at least, they figure that everything will go according to plan without much thought going into the violence that would have to arise to make the plan work. This is why I’m not a manifesto writing cult leader. When I figure out how to do it, how to get into that line of work, and ensure that no violence or harm arises from it, I’ll post openings for things like “cultist” and “master of phantasmagoric ritual” and other such things. It’ll be boss.


The manifesto, I figure, will be a Crowley-Nietzsche mix, Will to Power, Magick is Will, that kind of thing. Being your own individual will be a cornerstone, but also being holistic I’ll have to square the circle before I can get corners for stones. The manifesto will applaud reasoning and understanding as well as embracing your emotions; learning to yield to your emotions as they yield to you, an Ouroboros deal so to achieve balance for the them, reasoning and logic to understand where the emotions come from and how to deal with the world around you, Magick –  Will to direct your emotions and knowledge to further your happiness. Meditation will be study, learning, teaching, dialogue and argument. Prayer will be action, exercise, building, creating, and sex. This manifesto is for this world; “But we must tend our gardens” after all.


The cult will be made up of members that have read the manifesto and understand it. If I was the destructive, violent, cult leader type, I’d rule that if you didn’t understand the manifesto then the cult would eat you (we couldn’t have you walking around, knowing about the manifesto, and be un-digested now could we); a highly ritualistic and morbid affair, a nosferatu feast rather than a Leatherface fiasco.  But I only find cannibalism funny in conversation, not in practice. Some might think that to be in the cult, members should have to swear by the manifesto, be ready to die for it, and so on. But I figure if you read it, and understand it, and still want to be in the cult…we’ll, that’s a pretty glowing gesture of acceptance of and for the manifesto, now isn’t it. But of course, all this rests on the ability to figure out how to have a nice pleasant non-violent cult.


The cult will have to be a secular cult, not religious. Things get complicated when you bring in religion. Just look at Judeo-Christian-Islamic origins…how many different groups, organizations, ideologies, leanings, etc emerged from those early writings? No, no. My cult needs to be secular. The cult won’t try to argue for anything that it can’t prove. This is one way to ensure that things don’t go all crazy-violent, as a secular cult leader can’t claim that the old gods are telling him to make his followers do things…and if he does make those claims, then the cult just puts him in a medical care facility for schizophrenia, or eats him…but we’re trying to avoid cannibalism.


Now some might claim that this isn’t really starting to sound like a cult. Well, don’t you worry. We’ll have the coolest cultist robes ever, grand scented and unscented multi-color candles, inscribed walls with awesome geometric patterns and esoteric imagery, secret handshakes, decoder rings and more!  


The cult will have two core laws;


1. Do no harm.

2. Make funny.


The first is from the Hippocratic Oath. The second comes from my personal philosophy (posted here).


Where, how, when to start this cult are all great questions without any good answers at this point. Location is important.


Well, Northern California is currently where the center of the cult will be. I’m there, and it is my cult. At first we’ll probably just have to use my house, which isn’t great because I don’t think my wife will like a bunch of cultists hanging out. Now if everyone is clean and keeps things nice, I’m sure that will go a long way to making it bearable for everyone until the Lair can be constructed.


The Lair will be between Petaluma and Novato. On 101, there’s a bend in the hills. Towards the west there are a few hills, one of them is perfect. There will be a tower build upon that hill and on top of that tower there will be a large statue of a dragon curled around the tower, poised as if attacking the tower itself. There will be a propane fueled flamethrower in the statue and at night it will be turned on so that every 15 to 20 minutes, drivers on 101 are greeted on their dark drive with flash of flame that illuminates the dragon and tower for a few seconds.


I know, cults are supposed to be secretive and everything. But, I’m merging my lifelong dream of making this tower with the cult-idea, that way: two birds with one stone. Regardless, the outside is pretty much for show. Down the hill, away from 101, there will be gardens and orchards to live off of. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m a meat eater, meat seems natural to me, it’s good. But, if we can get the cult self-sufficient so that we grow all our own food then so much the better. But growing our own food in a small area kind of negates livestock, so I figure we’ll go vegetarian. The plus side is that it will minimize any “bestiality” rumors about the cult, and bestiality is right out…with my cult anyways. Fishing will be a good way to satisfy the meat cravings, sushi is good, but bovine will be far more difficult to come by. I figure if you can win a debate, arguing against Voltaire, with a cow then you can eat the cow. If you loose, well, under normal circumstances the cult would eat you…but I guess we’d have to feed you to the cow in order to avoid going all cannibal.


Now inside the tower, we’ll have to dig down. After all, most of the surface structure will be given over to supporting the dragon’s weight. But below the surface, we’ll have extensive catacombs that lead to the various rooms. The catacombs will all be scary, spooky, torch-lit hallways, but the living quarters will be furnished and lit as deemed fit by those living in them. I’m thinking we could get some nice “sky” lights extending from the rooms to the surface so that we get nice natural lighting. Indoor swimming pool is a must, Olympic sized so that people can keep in shape and have fun at the same time.


The crux of the problem though is whether to be modern or not. Normally, under “normal” cult circumstances, we could never allow TV, radio, internet or other media forms to get in. After all, nothing like learning about outside things to make one question the authority of the cult. But on the other hand, this is supposed to be a non-normal cult (hell, we’re outlawing cannibalism for starters!). So maybe some media, but not a lot. Sitcoms and reality TV and soap-opera/continual-story-line TV would be right out if I were the leader…and I am, so, out they go. Movies would be in. News is in. Documentaries are in. Of course one could argue that Sitcoms and soap operas are just short and long movies respectively and reality TV is just in-the-moment documentaries about really stupid subjects. So I guess all of it’s in, in the end.


Internet and telephone are normally out, what with all that “don’t let your cult members have contact with the outside world” attitude of typical cult leaders. But again here, we want everyone’s families not to worry, hell, we’d even invite people out to visit…no, wait, we’d have standing invitations, so that family and friends could come out and visit without notice, anytime. Of course some family members might get upset, what with all the learning and happiness and healthiness going on at the Lair, but we could just eat them. Sorry, no, we could just ask them to leave if they got to rowdy…no cannibalism.


Books though…you have to love books to get into the cult. And by this point, who doesn’t want to get in? We’ve got a freakin’ fire breathing dragon and a tower and catacombs, and grown-by-our-own-hands food, and we’re all accomplished sushi chefs, and we’re healthy and happy and non-violent! So yeah, books are good, got to like to read them. And every once in a while every member would have to read a book that was, for that individual, really hard to understand. Kind of like school, in a way, because you’d have to look up words and maybe reference other books to make sense of it all. But when you finished, you’d be all giggaty. Or maybe not. The cult is about individualism, after all. But still, highly recommended that you find some reason to like books. Start with funny books; they’re your best bet. Also, getting books that describe nudity and sex is a good way to get, ahem, aroused by the written word…after a few of those you can start to move on to the books that get your cortex engorged.


Yeah, so that’s about it. Manifesto and cult-leader thoughts. Of course the manifest will have to be really long where I go off on long tangents about this or that. But it’s good to do that, that way it leaves a lot of room for interpretation after I’m eaten by my cult, wait, no…after I die of natural causes due to a long an healthy life living with friends whom I just happen to call “Dark Brother of Debauchery” and “Morbid Sister of Masochism” for the fun of saying “debauchery” and “masochism” and “of.”

October 09, 2008


Working on a personal philosophy, I’ve now outlined it. I know, I know, most of you are thinking, “great, here come a bunch of long winded sentences that never end because they’re all long winded en’ shit.” But really. I’ll keep it as short as possible.


Comedic Pseudo-Nihilism (in ten easy steps)


1. Nihilism’s view is that existence is void of intrinsic value, meaning or purpose.


2. However, “the pathos of 'in vain' is the nihilists' pathos — at the same time, as pathos, an inconsistency on the part of the nihilists.” Nietzsche, The Will to Power, sec. 585.


3. So claiming that the world is without meaning is a meaningful statement with a purpose to describe this world as without purpose. Nihilists are right about everything except themselves.


4. This is funny.


6. Anything that is funny, or comedic, is that which forces a smile or laughter from an observer/listener (or any other sense used, some smells are funny, feathers in the armpit, etc.).


7. Nihilism can be applied to everything except itself, and in applying itself to itself a comedic experience emerges that negates itself, and so therefore the only thing worth anything is comedy.


8. If the only endeavor of value is that of comedy, then comedy at the expense of others is of the least amount of value.


9. The more people that find an event comedic imparts more value to existence than does an event that less people find funny.


10. Therefore, the best comedy is that which makes everyone laugh, which creates meaning in everyone’s lives.


Make people laugh, nothing else matters, life is a joke, all is in vane, struggling against the infinite nothing with finite strength, finite time, finite self, no chance to win, success a myth, and layered within the epic existential depression of it all…belly button lint, nose hair, laughing so hard a half eaten French fry is regurgitated and projected into your soda only to float, bobbing up and down in front of the waitress, like a mocking parody of your own inability to control your body.




March 05, 2007

Podium Ramblings

I’m bitter and grumpy. It’s a sign, not like a road sign, but more like a prophet’s sandwich board sign saying “It’s all crap!” as he gives you a gaping mouth mad stare. The bastard. I know. There’s a lot out there, people with mouths, who will say that it’s all about what you surround yourself with. But that’s crap. It’s all crap oozing from the walls of civilization. Civilization’s only purpose to help make us forget about the crap. Irony is civilization’s just the same crap, different package.


The written word is dead, despite what you read online. I’m quitting one job only to get another, which seems idiotic in many ways. IF you quit a job, it obviously means that you don’t like jobs, so why get another one? Despite my bitterness and general, overall, grumpiness, I’m grateful for the old job and the new job.


Britney should have totally buried some of her hair with Anna.


In regards to the culture in which I live, the fact that I can write that sentence and understand how it is applicable, disgusts me in such a way that all I taste is the bitter fluid rising from my stomach.


One path towards bitterness is with the realization that your childhood will be repackaged and sold to everyone else, your feelings of uniqueness will be revealed as just that: feelings, and the only meaning in the universe is what you impart to it.


Get me a shovel, the crap is thick and I’d like to stretch out.


A better road to bitterness is through good coffee. Maybe an Italian wine.


I don’t remember the drive in to work this morning. The beginning I remember, dropping Jasmine off I remember, but then it fades into this haze, a quiet ride through a clear morning, nothing particularly noticeable or exciting, a day lost due to the lack of tragedy.


Remember, burning your hang-nails off is far more efficient than biting them off, but you don’t get the free meal.


Remember, gravity, like evolution, only works if you believe in.


This is about the point where I’d start digressing into discussions about penises and vaginas, dicks and cunts:


There are a lot of politicians out there. I like the core of the system. But there are people involved. People tend to produce a lot of crap over their lives. A Politician’s no different, save, like celebrities, they get a lot of other people talking about how great (or bad) their crap is.


“Fuck your rambling! Give me coherence!” the other one said. The first just looked at him and grinned. The other one looked at him, then looked at his soup, “What did you do? What did you put in my soup?!” The first one glanced over at some bottles on the shelf, his gaze lingering on the bottle with the words “EXtra FIber” written in big, dark gold, letters.


The following is an actual speech an imaginary senator gave in my head one day.


“The time for action is now! With this new power structure, we have no choice but to take action in common cause against the terrors which are set against us! But there is only a limited amount of beauty left in the world, beauty that is inherent and owned by no one. So long as we can secure this resource from being exploited by outside influences, we will have victory over all obstacles. And so, it is my great pleasure to announce that we will…”


Poor senator, the podium ate him. It was hungry. Mad podiums are a danger to our native, free ranging, politicians and we must put a stop to them. Either that or begin to accept genetically altered, cage-fed, politicians into the food chain. Your choice. At least podiums just crap wood.  

September 25, 2006

Work IM Conversations

Worker 1 says:

Anyone need anything from OfficeDepot/Max?

Worker 2 says:

nope. thanks


 Worker 2 has left the conversation.


Worker 3 says:

I am currently away from the computer.

Worker Boss    says:



Fizzygoo says:


Worker 4  says:

no thank you

Havick says:

what's OfficeDepot/Max?

Fizzygoo says:

you're momma

Havick says:

oh ok

Havick says:


Fizzygoo says:


Havick says:

I'll take some money

Fizzygoo says:

Yeah! Money and happiness.

Fizzygoo says:

And girls

Fizzygoo says:


Fizzygoo says:

that'd be nice.

Fizzygoo says:


Havick says:

maybe some extra bovine diodes for our multi-dimmensional gate system and life templet to help with our backend agenda

Fizzygoo says:

yes, yes. We need more bovine diodes! Very important, hmmmm, yes what?

Havick says:


Fizzygoo says:

okay then

Havick says:

if you say so

Fizzygoo says:

Right! Bovine Diodes it is

Havick says:

yes yes, but what about the lateral flux capacitors to recapitulate the reverse positron flow through the dilithium manifolds?

Fizzygoo says:

we have Worker Boss's head for that, ahem, yes.

Havick says:

ah right, we'll take one Worker Boss's head too please

Fizzygoo says:

yes yes! Now get on it, Worker 1, we're in dire need and we don't have a lot of time, eh what?

Havick says:

damnit Worker 1 hurry!! the radiation from the crypton coils is becoming too strong, we need those diodes now!!

Fizzygoo says:

We're beginning to loose feeling in our  sphincters and it's very unpleasent, hmmm

Havick says:


Fizzygoo says:


Havick says:

who are you?

Fizzygoo says:

Why, I'm your son of course, and and who are you, eh whaat?


 Worker Boss    has left the conversation.


Havick says:

I guess that would make me our grandfather's sister in law

Fizzygoo says:


Havick says:

well I'm glad we cleared that up

Worker 1 says:

What I really need to get is a Horse tranquilizers and a jacket that ties at the arms. A room padded with foam. Bubba would like to help you in. Ok?

Fizzygoo says:

What what? I dare say, no. No!

Havick says:

there's no time for that! the molecular structure of the dihydrogenmonoxide is begining to break down, the magnetic force of the fusion reactor is imploding on itself!!

Fizzygoo says:

That's not good to hear, not good at all! Do you hear this Worker 1, the very fabric of our existance is beginning to break apart like so many Diseny plots in a washing machine of quantized powerful and deadly radiation! With out our dihydrogenmonoxide bound we're sure to cave in on ourselves!


 Worker 1 has left the conversation.


 Havick has left the conversation

August 15, 2006

Really important update...

I’m a genius. In my head. No really. In my head, I’m one of the smartest human beings alive. So smart, in fact, that I’m pretty much not even considered human, but super-human. In my head. It’s like playing chess with Death and winning over and over again. In my head. Only it’s not chess, it’s a nude beach contact volleyball game with [insert your favorite sexual icon(s) here], and everyone wins. Just without the volleyball part. Oh, and it’s all in my head.


Anywayz. The important thing about this post, is to let you know that I now know that the post-comments part of the site was set to moderate and now it’s set to free-for-all, or post-as-you-please. Of course, I realized this well after a few posts over a few months, and so, there you go. I spend to much time, in my head.

August 09, 2006

Rumbling Ramblings

The slow decay of civilization is marked by an increase in the demographic of its population that complains about the slow decay of their civilization. But civilization is a bit like life; it’s a fatal disease that knows no beginning. “As soon as it’s born it’s dying” to misquote Iron Maiden (who’s probably [mis]quoting someone else, but maybe not).  Yesterday was not any better than today. There was no Golden Age, only the Gilded Ages of the past: A gold edge on a dull self-help book stating the obvious in different words. Moral decay and loosing family values is the nature of humanity. Every generation fears the next; youth is always frightening to the old, especially when the youth finds better, faster, ways of loosing their youth. Innocence is best exemplified in the cruelty of children towards one another and the sheer stupidity of not looking where one steps. Innocence is lost by stepping on ones self and ones closest friends. Stupidity is reached by blaming your footsteps on the turning of the world beneath you. There will always be stupid, selfish people in the world and some of the time you’re one of them. This is the decay and from decay new growth sprouts, knowledge is sometimes gained, but usually only enough to realize that the decay starts anew. And so, those venerable hoary headed elders, with their lost innocence and knowledge gained, learn to cry out, like their parents did so long ago, “our civilization is in jeopardy!” and they site the moral decay and lost family values, morals and values that their ancestors labeled as decayed and lost.

            No one likes things to change, especially when they feel good about the status quo. It’s a cruel twist in the human chain of DNA to make us so resistant to change. Lucifer tried to change things, so we made him fall and attributed to him all things terrible. The King of Change is the Prince of Lies. But without change, there is stagnation. The decay stops, nothing grows. Knowledge is stopped. The greatest lie is that change is bad. Change is inevitable and neutral. How humanity embraces the change is what defines our character. This is why science and art are the crowing achievements of humanity; they invite change. In science, when a theory or model is found lacking in its explanations, it can be modified, adapted, to the new information. And when theories or models are found to hold up to the tests, we can use that information to make changes to our world, for good or ill. Art calls to us, inviting us to look at our world in different ways, sometimes pleasant, sometimes terrible, but always engaging its audience, whether in music, paintings, writing or theater. Bad art is not art at all, only entertainment meant to subdue our consciousness to its will and be forgotten. Good art changes us, and we carry with us its effects long after the exposure. 

            But of course, civilization is just decaying; humanity is loosing its family values and morals. So none of this really matters. After all, only 250 years ago, Sade was arguing that “The callousness of the Rich legitimates the bad conduct of the Poor” because, in part, the punishment for robbery then was the same for murder: death. So everyone’s to blame…stupid humans.