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Rejuvenating Swims in Concrete Pools

I’m sure by now, you’ve all seen the lunacy of New Age Woo brought to the computers, and just when you thought that would be all there was to write, like some dark madness at the bottom of the Abyss, there is more. And this has gotten so out of hand that I’m forced to move because of it (more on that below and later).


The title itself lays the foundation, “Increased Subtle Energy Damage from WIFI,” and then the article jumps right into the concrete swimming pool of New Age mysticism gone bad. Put on your protective head gear of choice, we’re jumping in head first.


Right off the bat they make the claim that:


Every physical body (this applies to both humans an animals) has an energy field underlying and surrounding it, called the “etheric body,” “aura”, or “subtle body.” A good clairvoyant or “medical intuitive” can look at a person’s etheric body and see where problems are forming energetically, and let you know about it before those problems become physical.


What, plants aren’t good enough for an aura? And what is meant by underlying a physical body…is it under the skin, in the bones, where does it reside or emanate from? But more importantly what do they mean by “energy”? A good clairvoyant (no bad ones mind you), can “look” and “see” this energy, but surely they aren’t talking about the energy that is electromagnetism, such as the basic visible wavelength that allows the majority of humanity to “look” and “see”?


They go on to explain that energy starts in our consciousness, namely thoughts and feelings. So, electro-chemical reactions in the brain?


That energy then takes on a physical expression in our third dimensional world. This is how “our thoughts create our reality”



Um, shouldn’t they say “three dimensional world”, but that would be nitpicking. Really though, don’t they know about that wonderful dimension time, time which lies at the root of energy, how much work is done over a given period of time. Of course, maybe they’re talking about time, but forgetting about left and right? And “thoughts create our reality,” if that were true there’d be a lot more barbarians running around slaying the physically-manifested-from-their-thoughts dragons while saving the hot princesses than gamers at dining room tables with dice and pizza-stained character sheets. Really though, on a serious note, making a statement like “our thoughts create our reality” is about as self-centered world-ignorant as you can get. Obviously all the people around the world experiencing genocide, starvation, warfare and other such atrocities just aren’t thinking good thoughts. Right. Because life is so easily boiled down to a spoiled brats mantra.


What ever is going on in our energy field eventually manifests in our physical body. This is universal law. If our energy field gets damaged, our physical body will experience problems. There is not getting around it.


What?! Another universal law!?


Oh how I love the universal laws. The universe seems to have so many universal laws that searching for them reads like Hammurabi’s Law Code. Only they make less sense than throwing your wife in the river because others are pointing the adultery finger at her. In order to make my crap sound really important I’ll call it a universal law, which means you can’t argue with it and I won’t let you argue with it because it’s universal…and a law…and I’ll tell my dad on you.


…everyone’s energy field is taking an incredible pounding-from all the “invisible” frequencies that bombard us daily, via TV, radio, computer, microwave, cell phone and satellite transmissions. These frequencies damage our energy field on an ongoing basis and weaken us over time.


So wait, it is light, my energy field is light, and it’s being damaged by the 300 KHz to 300 MHz TV and Radio frequencies (1 kilometer to 1m wavelengths), and the 300 MHz to 30 GHz mobile phone and wireless networking frequencies (100 cm to 1 cm wavelengths). So those clairvoyants are seeing light, and they’re seeing it in wavelengths other than the “normal” visible range of the spectrum. And they go on to say that these frequencies, and the devices that are emanating them are what have caused everything from allergies to auto-immune system disorders “that are fairly widespread in our world today.”


I guess people are really getting HIV from their TVs. Makes total sense. And lucky for them they have access to the modern medical data (blood tests, CAT scans, genetics, etc.) of the world population for the past 500 years to back up the idea that today the fit is hitting the shan while in the good old days it was all a pleasant breeze. Well, maybe that’s to broad a stroke, at least they have that kind medical data for a portion of the population of Cleveland for the past 200 years.


Then they specifically tackle WIFI which transmits in the 5 GHz to 2.5 GHz range (12 cm to 6 cm wavelength). Now if they were to cut out their strange etheric introduction and focus on the fact that microwave ovens transmit at 2.45 GHz (12.24 cm), then maybe, just maybe, the could begin to formulate a rational argument…but, alas, we are swimming backstroke in the concrete pool of New Age Mysticism after diving in head first (and some of us may have forgotten that protective head gear).


When you sit in front of your computer and surf the internet, you are actually exposing yourself to hundreds of thousands of frequencies from the computers of everyone else who is simultaneously surfing the internet.


Wait, what? So now I’m exposed to José in Cabo San Lucas’s frequencies as he’s searching for Wisconsin vacation spots? How is his wireless reaching me here, halfway up the California coast…and where can I get one of those. Anyone with wireless in their house can test it and you’ll see that you’ll loose connection at well under 400 feet range.


As a result, the normal fatigue that comes from exposure to the EMFs [electromagnetic fields? So they’re still talking about light here] that computers radiate is multiplied hundreds of times.


So what is my computer radiating when it’s not connected with WIFI? Well, it’s radiating heat, and the screen is radiating visible light. Well, our third eye (read: skin), is great at detecting infrared radiation and when it’s getting harmful. And the visible light, well, there might be some emission in the ultraviolet, but many flowers reflect in the ultraviolet, and them rave-kids and hippies like the ultraviolet…must be the ultraviolet light causing the damage.


After spending significant time surfing the web, a more sensitive person would probably notice increased eye pain, headaches, or fatigue-even to the point of feeling “brain dead.”


Haha! Yeah, the “more sensitive person” will “probably notice”, ha! That describes just about everyone that has spent time in front of a computer (surfing the web or writing for a blog). There are many detrimental effects on their health but there’s a real good rational reason for this: Humanity has not evolved to sit in front of a 17” box, staring at the various wavelengths of light that it emits (the colors) while keeping our fingers close together tap-tap-tapping on a board smaller than the box we are staring at. It’s not natural to our biology. Humanity has only had 50 years to adapt to the idea of computers, and really only about 20 years for the vast majority of America (not saying anything about underdeveloped countries) to get access to them. Think about that next time you get angry at someone for doing something stupid like opening an email from 2hot4u@yahoo.com promising some large cash transaction if you only help him get out of Nigeria. There’s been no time to really adapt. So lay off Grandpa and try helping him understand next time.


Finally they get to the real point…the “Rejuvenizer®,” in all its forms; Personal, Indor/Circuit, Travel and Pet Rejuvenizers® all will “enhance the quality of your life and the lives of your loved ones on all levels.” Great, as a 2nd level Paladin and as a 16th level Paladin/2nd Level Divine Disciple I’ll gain a +2 to all my Saving Throws.


The author goes on to describe how he was in a WIFI spot and he “tuned into [his] Rejuvenizer® and found that it was protecting [him] only 75%, so [he] immediately added a number of new healing and protective functions to ensure that I was protected 100%.” I’ve looked and looked, but I can’t see where to “tune into” these trinkets, let alone how to tell in such accurate percentages how much it is protecting you. And even worse…aren’t they just supposed to protect you…period. Am I going to have to come up with a whole bunch of “healing and protecting functions” on the fly every time there is an EMF fluctuation? He goes on to say that exposure to EMFs have been linked to “weakened endocrine and immune systems which, in turn, lead to more allergies, asthma, cnacer, Chronic Fatigue Syndrom, headaches, fibromyalgia, sleep disorders, ADHD, autism, Alzheimers, Parkinsons, Environmental Illness, and a speeded-up aging process” and he sites his source! Becker, 1990, which is book called Cross Currents: The Perils of Electropollution, the Promise of Electromedicine. Of course, the book was written in 1990, well before WIFI made its appearance. One site that reviews the book describes new plagues (apparently found within the book) and lists “Aids – perhaps a mutation of a pre-existing virus as a result of abnormal EM fields.”


Of course, the site links to a products page where you can get your very own Rejuvenizer®, for $159.00 and, well, they’re pretty stone necklaces and class rings. But, if anything, you should learn more about them, as the before and after images are, well, priceless.


But you may ask, ‘who reads this lunacy? No one really believes in this, do they?’ Well, gentile readers, yes, yes they do, and so it’s now officially why I’m moving out of Sebastopol (never mind that the family and I have been in escrow for a few weeks, that has nothing to do with it, no, of course not).


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Wow, that was entertaining. I think I need a "rejuivinizer" of some kind. I don't have $159.00 though, so I will just head down to the pharmacy and buy a big 'ol box of placebos

Jesus, I figured my my usual power crystals were running out of juice, so I'm psyched you introduced me to some new tools! I owe you one.

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